I believed that Asperger’s was a career death sentence until 2 days ago. Literally. Last week I met for the first time with a leading psychiatrist and professor in the field of Aspergers. I told her I was terrified that I would never be self-sufficient because of the Asperger’s. I told her that I didn’t believe there was anything she could do to help me because I thought that being an Aspie rendered me completely and totally unemployable. I said that I had already tried most of the careers associated with Aspies like document translation and stock analysis with no success.
In the second session on Monday, January 16, 2012, she responded to me in an incredible way. She first of all handed me a children’s book on Asperger’s that she thought was poorly written and told me that she thought I could do a better job in writing a book for children with AS. Then she suggested maybe I should write a guide to employment for Aspies and interview other individuals for this project. And to top it off she told me that maybe I should co-write a book with her. She also added that she felt I could help a lot of people with AS because I am so intellectually gifted that I can explain and articulate what AS is to my fellow Aspies and how it feels.
This whole experience was a pleasant shock for me. It was incredible to find out that there was someone in the world who actually believed in me, who actually saw and welcomed my abilities. I was stunned because I had become so accustomed to systematic social rejection by my peers and employers that I had come to believe there was no place in the world for me. I had articulated this feeling six years earlier 2005 to my accounting professors. I couldn’t believe that someone powerful was not giving up on me, not telling me to go on welfare and surrender my hope of self-sufficiency.
My despair came from feeling that the system refused to recognize my intellectual talents and was only interested in persecuting me for my social skills weaknesses. My self-confidence and self-esteem has been thoroughly shattered by all the 16 years of continuous rejection that I have been forced to endure at the hands of employers. It will take time for me to start believing in myself again and to heal from the traumatic effects of AS which destroyed my life so severely and unnecessarily for so many years. I feel like I was programmed to accept failure for so many years that the recovery process will be slow and long-term. I felt as though maybe my long nightmare of persecution and unemployment might be finally ending. I felt I had a real purpose, mission, and vision and most of all a valuable place in the world.
P.S. Eventually my partnership with this professor collapsed for complex and personal reasons which I don't wish to reveal here. I am working independently on this book on Aspergers at this time.
